Post #3: 3 Things you Need to Control Your Own Destiny

I believe there are 3 things that make up our destiny… luck, choices, and hard work.

And we’re going to be talking about these 3 things a ton as Rare Existence moves forward. I’ll start now with the cliff notes version of my thoughts on these…

 

1. Luck is out of your control, so ignore it.

Whether you believe it’s God, fate, luck, physics, or the tooth fairy, you have to admit that there is something out there that makes things happen outside of our own will. For simplicity’s sake, and my lack of time to get into an existential argument with you about this right now, we’ll call it luck here. The thing about luck is that It will happen or it won’t, you’re blessed with the right gifts, circumstances, or opportunities, or you’re not… and there’s nothing you can do about it, so just pray that it comes and leave it at that. And if it happens to avoid you for some reason, please use every ounce of energy in you to try not to blame everything in your life on that (or on anything for that matter because passing blame is always harmful to you). If you do choose to spend your time fretting about your bad luck or lack of good luck, you will never find it in you to focus on the other two things you need in order to achieve the life you are meant to live. Just pretend that luck doesn’t exist so that you are neither wasting your time waiting for it or blaming it… because doing either will hinder you greatly. Luck does matter, but you have to live like it doesn’t.

 

2. Poor past choices make things harder but they do not ruin your chance for an extraordinary life.

Choices do matter significantly because consequences matter significantly, but bad choices in the past are possible to overcome, they just create extra work for you to get beyond them is all.  Sometimes that’s A LOT of extra work. Sometimes it’s so much extra work that people stop trying or just quit before they even start because they believe it’s impossible. And that’s why choices gets listed as one of the 3 things that affect your destiny… because the consequences of bad choices can make you give up.
Actually, poor past choices don’t really have to be one of the 3 factors that affect your destiny, if you don’t let them. Just like luck, this is not something you need to focus on to be successful, it’s really something you need to STOP focusing on the be successful. If you keep the focus on #3 (hard work) and just accept that your past choices might make you have to work a double shift in the hard work department, you’ll be alright. Paying the consequence of poor past choices works just like getting out of financial debt…you work twice as hard for a time to pay off what you owe for your past decisions and then eventually you find yourself back to even, ready to spend that energy you were using to pay for what was behind to now focus on moving forward. Focusing on your past mistakes and feeling sorry for yourself rather than taking action to fix them is just as bad as waiting for the Kool-Aid man to rescue you. Stop focusing on it and start working towards something better. I’m not trying to minimize your problems, I know they matter and affect you significantly and I do have compassion for you in that. I also know it can be so very hard to let go of the things you are beating yourself up for, but it’s the only way to think and live if you want an extraordinary life so you absolutely have to figure out how to move on.
As far as your future choices, be careful and thoughtful even when it comes to the seemingly smallest things. Since I was young I’ve believed that everyone is going a direction, even if they aren’t actively choosing that direction, but just letting it passively happen to them. Even the tiniest baby steps are taking you somewhere (just ask Bob).  Never believe that you are standing still, you aren’t.  You are either going the direction you want or the direction you don’t want. Choose wisely and make sure you actively CHOOSE instead of letting it just happen to you. Passive movement is almost worse than poor choice movement.

 

3.  If you believe in hard work over luck you will go farther.

I can’t count how many times people look at me longingly and say, “you guys are just so lucky” and while I know what they mean and I agree with them that my job has amazing perks, it’s still a fact that if they happen to say that during our really busy season when we are each working 80+ hours a week and my only friends are the characters on Weeds that I watch while I work, those people who tell me that are “so lucky” I don’t punch them in the face. Even more than their actual words, what bothers me most is the look in their eyes when they say it. It tells me right away they don’t believe the phrase “live your dreams” is meant for them.  It’s only meant for other people and they just aren’t one of the lucky ones so it’s just impossible and not worth trying at all. Yes, luck makes things easier, but it’s not a permanent state of your identity.  If you believe you are permanently a lucky person or an unlucky person then you will most definitely end up an unlucky person (what the psychology types call a self-fulfilling prophesy) because you will never ever make the right choices or put in the necessary hard work to MAKE things happen for yourself.  You have to try to MAKE yourself lucky, and that comes through hard work. If you work hard and stumble onto a stroke of luck, you will be successful. If you work hard and never stumble on a stroke of luck, you could still be successful. If you never work hard, your only option for success will be to grow a red beard, wear a green cap and suit, and carry around a pot of gold because you are going to have to actually BECOME a leprechaun to find the kind of miraculous luck you will need for there to be any chance in hell that you are going to be successful.  So bottom line, work like luck doesn’t exist.  Make you’re luck and then whether luck does or doesn’t go your way, you’re still much more likely to be better off than if you are just sitting around playing video games waiting for the Kool-Aid man to bust through your wall, say “OH YEAH”, and hand you the key to your big break. Keep on waiting, buddy. And if it does happen… puhLEASE send me pictures of you with your arm around around the Kool-Aid man because that is AWESOME and I really do hope that happens to someone!

Don’t forget that living the life you are meant to live, means there’s room in the equation for everything that has ever happened to you (whether it’s because of chance or because of you).  As I said in the first post, the life we are meant to live is made up of everything that makes you up, including your luck, your past, and your work ethic.  It is your responsibility to attempt to understand the things that make you up and to strengthen and utilize them in a way that will fill the place in the world that’s waiting for you. No excuses.  Only thinking, identifying, working, and improving. Let’s go.

2 thoughts on “Post #3: 3 Things you Need to Control Your Own Destiny”

  1. Dude, thanks for laying it down for us. RIght now I have a great work ethic at my job: I am aware of the time I have and I know the duties I have to finish by a certain time if I want to be done by a certain time. Now, my goal is to try to have the same idea with my whole life. And that takes knowing myself WELL. lol. Everyday I find myself reflecting on the state of my life, evaluating whether I am happy with it or not. The trick is then when I have identified something, changing it. Life can be so full. Or we can reword that: I have made my life so full and can easily self-sabotage, subconsciously or consciously because of a fear or something I have not identified yet. And then, I let it go.
    But, reading your post gave me a light bulb moment, thanks:) Working as hard as I do at my job in my personal life is what I have to do.

    1. Yes Krystal! That’s an awesome conclusion! Keep having those light bulb moments and then working to follow up with them! Thanks for taking the time to share the good stuff with us!

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