He shook me right out of my safety net

The last post I wrote about my life left you with a very fearful and controlling Breanna.

Enter Scottie… adventurous and always challenging himself… he’s about to shake up safe Breanna!

By the time I meet Scottie, I’m in the middle of college, which means the previous 3 years of my life contained more transition in them than the previous 17 combined.  I’m also a learning girl.  Intellectual growth tends to stimulate me towards personal growth, so I really had changed a lot by the time I met him (although, unbeknownst to me, fear and control were still a major part of my life at that time).  By growth, I mean that I knew a little bit more about what I wanted in my life and since the direct result of my never ending interest in family and marriage relationships led to me pursuing my degree in that area… I’d learned a lot about what I wanted my marriage… and husband… to look like at this point.

I knew I wanted someone who would challenge me and who wouldn’t let me push him around (more like, that’s what I knew I SHOULD want).  Along came Scottie.  Scottie who scared me, pissed me off, and made me work really, really hard.  He was perfect for me.

I also knew a little about what I didn’t want by then.  The way I viewed it, there was a very common, very major enemy to a happy and fulfilling marriage: PASSIVITY.  I wanted someone active. Someone who would initiate change, who would push himself before I felt the need to prod him along, and someone who was a fighter… who would fight for our marriage, his own personal growth, and for an extraordinary life.  Scottie beat me to the punch in discussing passivity when we were dating.  He was very honest about the fact that he believes passivity is one of the greatest of enemies to almost every American man and that he was no exception to the pull of it.  But he was a fighter and he recognized the threat and fought hard against it.  That’s all I could ever ask for.

Words, words, words… I’m really good with words.  I’m really good at sounding strong and saying what I know is right.  I thank God that I knew the right words to look for in the husband application form that was in my head.  I knew what was good for me.  Unfortunately, I don’t always LIKE what’s good for me.  Putting those words (like “growth” and “hard work”) into practice is a whole other story.  Again, I knew what I SHOULD want and it all looked good on paper to me.  It just began to get a little scarier as it began to take shape in real life.

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