Is it “just life” or just a lie?

“That’s  just  life”.

I’ve  been  hearing  that  since  I  was  a  child.

“But  daaaaad,  I  want  a power pad for my Nintendo, LA Gear hi tops, tickets to the Paula Abdul concert, and the Saved by the Bell board game. ”
Without skipping a beat or even looking up from what he was doing, my dad would say, “that’s  just  life.  So  go  to  your  room and run in place for a few hours in your Kmart Keds, while listening to the Paula Abdul songs you taped from the radio and making up your own Saved by the Bell trivia from the hours of that stupid show that you have memorized… and consider yourself lucky for having a roof over your head to do all that in.”

“But daaaad, I want a pager, a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, a hyper color jumpsuit, and AOL instant messaging like ALL my friends have!!”
And again, my dad would smoothly follow that up with, “that’s just life. When I was a kid and we wanted to get a hold of someone we just yelled their name until they yelled back, we wrote on stone tablets that wouldn’t fit in fancy trapper keepers, the only “hyper color” we had were the weird rashes that we got when the McCormick kids touched us, and when we wanted to message someone we left hieroglyphics on the cave walls and didn’t have to keep track of how many of the 130 free hours we’d used from CD’s we got in the mail!

Cue my eye roll, audible groan, and stomping off to slam my bedroom door.

In other words, it didn’t  take  long  for  me  to  learn  to  translate  “that’s  just  life”  to  “stop  whining  and  leave  me  the  hell  alone”.  I  got  pretty  used  to  that  phrase.

So I was pretty surprised to find as an adult that this phrase still evoked a strong emotional response from me.

“But  (person  who was NOT my  dad),  I  hate  getting  up  every  single  morning  at  5am,  driving  through  traffic  to  sit  behind  a  desk  doing  only  boring  things,  driving  home,  yelling  at  my  husband  because  I  hate  this  day  and  every  other  day,  then  going  to  bed  without  doing  a  single  thing I actually consider important in life,  only  to  get  up  the  next  day  and  the  day  after  that  to  do  the  same  thing.  It  feels  so  meaningless  and  I  feel  like  life  is  a  gift  and  I’m  totally  wasting  it.  Sure  I  understand  the  value  of  hard work,  but  isn’t  it  possible  for  that  hard work  to  go  into  something  I  love  or  that  makes  a  difference  in  the  world?  Surely  we  are  all meant  to  do  different  things  in  different  ways  since  we  are  all  made  so  differently.  Someone  else  might  totally  thrive  at  this  job  and  love  using  their  gifts  here  but  I  just  don’t  think  I’m  cut  out  for  it.”

“That’s  just  life”.

Like the many times when I’d heard this as a child, I lost my temper. But unlike the olden days, this time I didn’t just pout and walk away.  Instead I narrowed my eyes that had been widened by the shock, and dove in to make my point.
“Yes,  but  it  doesn’t  HAVE  to  be  that  way.  It’s  not  my  husband’s  life!  While  I’m  getting  up  in  the  cold  early  morning,  he’s  lying  in  bed  where  he’ll  sleep  until  10am.  Then  tonight  while  I’m  getting  ready  to  go  to  bed  early,  he’ll  be  getting  ready  to  go  out  with  the college students  he’s  mentoring  to  have  fun  with  them.  He’s  doing  something  he  loves AND  he’s  making  a  difference  in  the  world. Why  shouldn’t  I  try  for  the  same  things?”

Needless to say, I didn’t hear much more about it from that person after my sort of rude and as some would say, “socially inappropriate”, outburst.

I just don’t believe it.

The thing is that I’ll  believe  you  if  you  say, “I too wish I could be living differently but I’m too scared to try” or ” sure that sounds awesome but I’m not willing to work hard enough to create that kind of change”. Whatever you say, don’t say “that’s  just  life”. Because it’s NOT just life. Life doesn’t HAVE to be like that. In fact, I don’t think it’s SUPPOSED to be like that! I think we’re supposed to be truly living and reaching for more in life than just basic survival! I believe we should be doing what it takes to live a life of meaning and using all that is in us to do our very best to find out what we’re meant to do in life… and then take the risk, put in the effort, and face the fears that will lead us to our Rare Existence (whether that guide us to a 8-5 office job with a family, or a shot at the silver screen with a pet monkey).

When I’m wanting a bunch of useless stuff, that might not even be good for me (is a hyper color jumpsuit really good for anyone?!), and I’m wanting it just to be cool like my friends or to chat with said cool friends on the new information super highway, I’m fine if my dad or anyone else says “that’s just life”. But when it comes down to what’s really important in life, don’t say “that’s just life” because really, “that’s just a lie”…. and I refuse to believe it.

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2 thoughts on “Is it “just life” or just a lie?”

  1. I just love you. You are wonderful! Glad you are still writing and thinking and being you! Lots of people are living “that’s just life” lives but daring to live differently is just that – daring. It can be disappointing and discouraging but only for a season or when you are only able to focus on what’s beneath the clouds. In the C.S.Lewis’s book, The Great Divorce, he talks about leaving earth and rising above the gray and dismal world above the clouds where you can truly begin to get the right perspective. A very powerful book and much more how we were intended to live life – from God’s point of view! I think about this everytime I fly. 🙂 Thank you!

    1. Thanks for the reminder about “living above the clouds”, Abigail! I feel like I’ve been stuck under them for the past couple of weeks and hearing this perspective on things was very encouraging! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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