The Healing Wilderness (Sierra National Forest, CA)

Away from Orange County we went, as we headed for the beautiful and (hopefully) peaceful Sierra National Forest.

To our chagrin, the drive there was the opposite of peaceful. We were going up the mountain, and man was it a mountain. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Scottie more stressed out than he was during that drive. And we work at weddings together! It didn’t help that he’d just emptied poop tanks in 113 degree heat and that we were at the end of our six hour, turned eleven hour, drive with a totally over-it toddler. More than just the mountain was treacherous at this point.

Once we arrived, we set up camp and made a real dinner (if you pretend you don’t see the hot dogs) fast enough that we almost believed we were actually the camping pros we’re supposed to be now. For the first time, we felt like we were killing it with this whole RV camping thing. And thankfully, at this stop, that feeling continued!

STILL LEARNING…
There’s a lot about “RV living” that I intentionally stayed ignorant about, because this trip wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t. There are some parts I hope my dear sweet husband will allow me stay ignorant about, like where the poop goes and how dangerous it really was for us to drive back down the mountain at the end of this stop. But there are other parts he can’t protect me from, that I’m now forced to reckon with.

For instance, I casually skimmed by, not really sure what the big deal was, when RVers online would fantasize about nice long showers at hotels. I now know it’s because you soap up in the shower with the water off, then turn it on to rinse off as fast as you can before shutting it off again. Maybe some really green people always do things this way, and I think it is a bonus that we’ll learn a lot about conservation on this trip, however I’m still not a big fan of the showering situation. I’ve learned the hard way that even when practicing special RV water techniques, (like dumping dirty dish and bathwater into the toilet instead of draining it from the sink and tub like normal people) we STILL ran out of water AND filled up our water tanks after just two showers and three days of use. It didn’t help that I found out we’d run out of water right when I had a head full of shampoo and no way to rinse it out.

Overall, I’m glad I didn’t learn all of this (and trust me, there’s much more!) before the trip. Because after some of the experiences we had together as a family in the Sierras, I’m starting to think (or at least pray really, really hard) that it’s all worth the trouble!

THE NATURE…
Once we rested, rested, and rested some more (if you missed the post about our first stop in Orange County, it was a doozy), we finally worked up the courage to actually attempt to accomplish something. First stop, Rancheria Falls. We brought the stroller and made it to the top. Celia and I enjoyed the view for about 10 minutes before we were both done…

…while Scottie on the other hand, found the missing link to his soul.

I’ve always known I married someone much more outdoorsy than myself, but the way he responded to as he put it, “seeing water in the forest”, was something truly special. He was more alive and he looked like he hadn’t just lived through one of the most stressful weeks of his life. I think I even saw some of his grey hairs turn back to blond!

We ventured over to the lake near us, which turned out to be quite a memorable experience!

The water consisted mostly of melted snow, so it was beyond the kind of cold we’re familiar with. I dipped my toes and easily decided to settle in for an afternoon on the shore. Scottie sat on a rock for 45 minutes while intensely working on the courage to fully swim, while Celia waded in ankle deep.

Scottie finally went in and then beckoned Celia to join him. She paused for a minute like she was thinking, then to my astonishment, she started going in after him! I seriously can’t even explain how cold this water was. But she just kept going, inch by inch, whimpering and semi-crying as she continued moving forward! Both Scottie and I were completely stunned that she was actually doing it! It was like she’d just made up her mind to be brave and keep going no matter how hard!

She’s done a lot of impressive things in her short little life, like moving from a crying lump to a real person who walks and talks, but I think this was my proudest moment so far. My little not-quite-two-year-old, was choosing all on her own to be BRAVE! I didn’t even know she was capable of that!

She made it to Scottie… and he proceeded to dunk her entire head!  I thought for sure that was going to end this madness. When he pulled her back out of the water, her eyes were bigger than he’d ever seen them and she couldn’t breathe for a second. But when she did finally catch her breath, he said it looked like it was the best breath she’d ever taken.

Then they splashed and played in their cold, cold world like the best of friends who were experiencing an exhilaration that only they could understand in that moment.

That went on until Scottie looked up at me with a different type of wide-eyed expression.
“I lost my wedding ring”.
Nooooo. For a second, I couldn’t believe it. Literally FIVE DAYS before this, we’d said how crazy it was that after twelve years of marriage, we both still had our original rings. We were telling friends how many people we’ve known who’ve lost rings in the ocean when the cold water made their fingers shrink. Scottie then demonstrated how in the water, he moves his ring to his right hand because it’s bigger and stays on better. Ah hubris, it will get you every time.

This is the look of a man who’s just lost his wedding ring.

We did our obligatory looking, but the entire lake floor was lined with small pebbles. Any one of those little Golloms could’ve been hoarding the ring. This ring by the way, was made out of titanium from an F-16 fighter jet, by a friend who worked in the air force. Not exactly what you’d call replaceable. Especially since that friend has a new job now.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel as devastated as I thought I would be. We were both very sad, but I felt like we could move on with our lives and not feel as weighty of a loss as I would’ve expected.

CELIA MOMENTS…
It helped that we went straight from the greedy ring eating lake, to Celia’s first ever campfire and outdoor s’more roasting! The night continued on and all was not lost with the ring.

The next day, Scottie took Celia on a hike to a place called Indian Pools. It was another moment where Celia blew him away with her ability to challenge herself!

This time it was her hiking skills. She was climbing boulders and handling hills like she’d been born on them. This is a girl who couldn’t even stand up on her own a year ago!

While on the hike, Celia did one of my favorite things ever. After they were a ways in, Scottie said “OK, it’s time to turn around and walk back”. She looked at him confused for a second, and then turned around and started walking backwards!
Of all the sweetness in that, my favorite part is how she trusted him enough to do what he asked, no matter how crazy it seemed!

Another funny little tidbit about Celia in the forrest. She’s learning to play hide and seek. So she squeezes her eyes as tight as she can and counts ALL the way to one, about three or four times in a row (“one, one, one”), and then looks for you. Or SHE hides and then runs out to find YOU as soon as you finish counting. She also thinks that one of the only places you can hide is behind a tree. So every time we go on a walk in the forest, she thinks we’re there to play hide and seek and yells “hide!”, then runs behind a tree before we have a chance to opt out of the game.

CAMPGROUND LIVING…
One of the things I remained intentionally ignorant about before our trip, was our living situation. When I thought of our visit around America, I saw us waking up all by ourselves to rolling hills of perfectly green natural grass, in a beautiful field with trees, then spending our days strolling along the streets of Portland or Austin. I remember when I bought Celia some clothes we’d be taking on this trip, my mom looked at me really strangely for awhile before gently suggesting that maybe Celia would need some camping clothes? “No mom, we’ll do SOME camping, but we’ll be spending a lot of time in cities where these cute blush and cream colored shorts will go great with her all-white tennis shoes”.

OK, so my mom was right. We are now professional campers. I didn’t know this was going to happen.

I’ve noticed on Instagram (which I’m finally using and posting daily pics of our trip! @bchanson), that many of the other full-time RVing families are scaling mountains with their buff arms and paddling down raging rivers with their makeup-less faces. This is not me AT ALL. I am definitely in a world where I don’t fit in!

My mom spent my entire childhood trying to make me a camper, but very little of that stuck. The parts I did catch though, were that:

1. We are tent campers. As in, that’s part of our genetics and you can’t change DNA. OK, MAYBE we were pop-up tent trailer campers on some of the longer trips when we HAD to do it.

2. We don’t stay in campgrounds with flushing toilets. If we stay at an official campground at all, we use outhouses and only go places where you can’t see your neighbors who are one spot over. Camping is about open spaces in the natural world, not crowds or comforts.

So now that we’re staying in whatever campgrounds are available, which will eventually include RV parks with full showers, laundry, and electricity, I feel like I’ve turned my back on my people. And I feel like they’re bitter about it. When we roll up in our fancy carhouse, and plop our loud generator next to a family of six all sharing a tiny tent and huddling under a small tree when it rains, I feel like a terrible person.

Of course, these people don’t know that we do this every day and that a full six months of no a/c or heat, is different than their one night of it. Which is another thing that’s surprised me! In my vision of what our accommodations would be like during the times we DID stay in a campground, I think I was picturing more of an actual RV park (we’ll see, we haven’t actually stayed in one yet), where it would be mostly retired couples, and a few families on longer summer vacations with whom we’d share RV living tips. I didn’t realize we’d just be at regular old campsites where everyone stays a night or two and then leaves. Where’s the community BBQ’s and the borrowing of eggs? At the expensive RV parks is the answer, I guess. And we’ll get there eventually. In the meantime, it is kind of fun being in campsites full of families bonding and kids having the time of their lives. At least that way we don’t have to worry that our kid is the loud one waking everyone up early!

It is interesting to stay that close to other campers. Like, listen-to-one-another’s-conversation close. You do get to know people faster, even if it is only for a day or two! Plus, it’s made me notice how I really talk to my family. And let me tell you, it’s not as kindly as I thought it was. It’s all in the tone. It’s not what I say, like “move that, or can you help me?” It’s the sarcastic, “you-should’ve-known-better-you-idiot” tone that I take when I say it. Have you ever had times where you say something to your spouse that feels normal to you and then realize a friend overheard it and you suddenly feel like you were a total jerk? I have. And now that we’re staying in close quarters to new strangers all the time, it’s happened to me quite frequently. Apparently my tone and attitude towards my husband and daughter, aren’t as innocent as I thought and I have a lot of thinking to do about why, and work to do on how to fix it.

SUMMING IT UP…
So yes, the intentional ignorance about RV living may have hurt me in my preparations, or at the very least caused me to waste a lot of money at kid’s H&M, when I should’ve been buying camping clothes at thrift stores. But I’m here, aren’t I? I’m living on the road with no other home base to speak of! And I wouldn’t be, had I bothered to think it through or get my facts straight.

It’s kind of the same answer I have when people ask how I’m able to handle not knowing if we’ll be able to make money while on the road, where we’ll end up living after all of this, or anything else about my future. Honestly, both this present stage and the future feel like such different worlds with so many unknowns, that it’s impossible to have expectations. It’s all so unclear that even the worries I should have about it all aren’t clear. I’m actually not sure how I’m OK with this level of unknown since it’s not really my personality, but I do know that it was a long process of getting me here that happened over the course of a 12 year marriage, not overnight. But now that I’m here and I don’t have any upfront answers about what to look forward to beyond this stage, I’m OK to just see what happens.

If I knew the exact state, city, and neighborhood I wanted to live in after this, my heart would already be there and planning my roots. Instead, since it really is like a big blank white space when I look into the future, I don’t have anything to get so excited about that it would make me rush through this part of life to get there. As I’ve gotten used to a less and less planned out life, I’ve always seemed to know what the next step to take should be, even if I don’t know the end result. So here we go, day by day. We’ll get there when we’re meant to, and I’ll learn the pieces I need to know as I go!

Our Great Adventure Begins! And Almost Ends. (Orange County, CA)

We did it!!!! We’re officially living “on the road” for the next six months or so, with no other home base to speak of. This is it, our home is our “car-house” (as we started calling it to help Celia understand).

2017-06-13 09.16.392017-06-22 09.36.13We imagined our first stop would be somewhere exotic or unknown to us, but instead, we found ourselves right back in Los Angeles where we came from! Well sort of. We parked in Rancho Santa Margarita in Orange County to be near some dear friends of ours while making several visits to LA to see other friends and do the photography work we stopped there to do. We ended up being thankful we went somewhere familiar first because we found we needed the comfort of home much more than we expected.

THE LEAVING:
Leaving our mountain home in Pinetop, AZ that we’d lived in for the past four months while preparing for this road trip, was a LOT harder than I’d expected. It was a much deeper issue than just saying goodbye to Pinetop itself, or even than closing a really special chapter in our lives. It was about leaving home and comfort. Since I’ve left my own home-base, and my parents recently sold the house I grew up in, my grandparent’s cabin that we’d been living in is one of the closest things I have to a long-term home right now. It’s that place that will always bring me peace when I return to it, no matter how long it’s been. And saying goodbye to that, while simultaneously heading out into a great big world with all the unsteadiness that comes from living in a car house (literally), was not easy for me. I came to realize that this entire trip is going to be one giant stream of goodbyes after another.

THE BAD AND THE MORE BAD.
Our trip did NOT start out as we’d hoped. Not. at. all. But before I get into the bad, let me just say that the very bad was exactly equaled with the very good. Had it not been, there’s a real chance we would’ve quit on the road trip the very first week! It was like we were living in two separate worlds. We’d wake up in misery in our car-house, then we’d be whisked off for the day to this beautiful land of fun and friends… and then go back to the dungeon at night. I want to tell you about the dark part first so that you can appreciate how much the light meant to us. Especially so I can explain it to those blessed souls who played a part in bringing us the light!

For starters, we quickly found out there’s a much higher learning curve to living in a 5th wheel than we’d anticipated.  A lot of our problems in the beginning had to do with us trying to keep our costs down as low as possible. Like we bought one small generator instead of two, or one big one, in hopes that would be good enough. It wasn’t. When we arrived in Orange County during a huge heat wave, we soon found that not having enough power to run our air conditioning was not going to work. Especially when Celia and I got a stomach bug our first night on the road and weren’t able to sleep in or rest the next day because these were the kind of temperatures we were dealing with INSIDE our car-house.

Temperature INSIDE our RV. And might have been more... I don't think it's capable of triple digits.
Actually it may have been more, I don’t think it’s capable of showing triple digits!

Thankfully, the worst of the stomach bug was that night. Celia was fine by morning. Mine lingered the rest of the week and prevented me from doing some fun things, but it was semi-manageable. However, the rest of the things we were dealing with, didn’t let up so easily. To sum up a LOT of struggle into a very short space, basically we couldn’t use electricity (like lights at night), we couldn’t charge any devices (including sleep apnea and white noise machines that we needed to catch up on sleep), we didn’t have hot water and had to turn off the water pump when we weren’t using it, and our entire home smelled like an outhouse. Add to that the extra frustration of constantly sweating in our 100+ degree house and that we hadn’t slept more than a few hours a night in over a week; then pile on other things like having stomach issues in the bathroom at night without lights, and dealing with a sick toddler with limited water access and no washing machine. Not to mention we didn’t have electricity for some of our normal escapes like TV, internet, and music (we had limited time to charge phones too). When I tried to turn on the microwave for two seconds and it completely shut our generator down when Scottie wasn’t home, I couldn’t even go ask another camper for help because I knew I’d just burst into tears in front of them.
We badly needed a day of downtime to rest and work out the kinks with the car-house. But due to the crazy heat and lack of a/c, that wasn’t an option. So we’d leave the house all day – which I’m actually thankful for because we always went fun places with friends, and into air conditioning- then we’d come home to this literal hot mess that continued to grow each day we weren’t home long enough to deal with it.
We eventually hit that point of exhaustion and sweating from where there was no return. We started falling apart fast, as the logical sides of our brains were shutting down and our dominant emotional sides were being driven by caffeine and tears. And the way we were relating to one another became a hideous reflection of that. We were no longer capable of handling the numerous small things that continued to go wrong on the car-house when they were piled on top of the exhaustion and chaos. Things got so bad for awhile there, that even Scottie… who’s dream this was in the beginning, and who can actually handle quite a bit usually, was ready to quit.

DSCF6018

THE SAVIORS:
I have one HUGE recommendation to anyone considering this sort of trip: that your first stop is near good friends. The kind who don’t care if you’re late (every time) to the dinner THEY made for you (every time). The kind who let you use their air conditioning, washing machine, stamps, diapers, internet, memberships to fun places, coupons, address for Amazon packages, alcohol, coffee grinder, and child’s toys. Thank God we had the Varners in Orange County. They kept us sane during “The Great Chanson Breakdown of 2017”. They supported us with all I mentioned above, along with compassionate ears and thoughtful responses that put the logic back into our car-house hating heads. They fed us every meal so we didn’t have to cook in the heat or spend all of our trip’s eating out budget in the first week. They kept us going.

Thank you Varners, for loving us and caring for us when we were just weepy, pathetic, whining lumps. And for being understanding even when you were disappointed that our circumstances negatively affected our plans and time together.

Besides getting to catch up with our good friends, there’s another reason, I was excited to start this trip with a visit to the Varners… Celia’s very best friend, Maddie!

On the road, Celia’s going to have to sit through a lot of long conversations, car rides, and “character building moments”, as my mom would say. Plus, it’s going to be rare for her to have the comfort of seeing familiar friends in familiar environments. So I was very excited to be able center this stop around Celia. The Varners planned some great experiences for her and Maddie to have together, and it was so awesome watching Celia have so much fun with her best friend!

One of the highlights for Celia and I was Pretend City: Children’s Museum of Orange County. It’s a non-profit with a whole little indoor city for kids to play in! Complete with a mini-Trader Joes, garden and orchard, doctor and dentist offices, and public service careers!

Older kids can do “jobs” at each place and get their time sheets stamped to earn money. But Maddie decided to put on the Trader Joes employee Hawaiian shirt and sweep for free.

Pretend City was one of the cutest places for kids I’ve ever seen and I think we’ll try to head over there every time we’re in Orange County from now on! Provided the Varners haven’t had enough of us forever, and will (at least eventually!) invite us back into their real city one day.

THE LA VISIT AND RITZ CARLTON STAY:
The other major saving grace we had during this difficult week, was a free stay at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey! We trade photography work for hotel stays with them, and we had two free nights burning a whole in our pocket. It worked out better than we could’ve imagined because we had no idea we’d be so ready to escape the car-house troubles and live in real luxury for awhile!

Morning tea party… room service style.
Celia LOVED the “Ritz Kids” gift bag they had waiting for her at check in!

The pool day we spent at the Ritz was one of the best of our trip, at least in regards to fun family time together. And Celia was as thrilled with our accommodations as we were! It’s like she really knew this was something special.

It was EXTRA special actually, because it was also Father’s Day weekend! Which came with a few little bonuses of it’s own. Some courtesy of Celia to Daddy, some courtesy of the Ritz to us, and some courtesy of our lovely friend and favorite Ritz employee, Harriet, who never fails to make us feel at home wherever we are!

As you know, feeling at home was extra important to us on this stop, so thank you to the Ritz and to Harriet for all the special comforts you both provided us with, right when we needed it the most!

Making a Father’s Day card for Daddy at a Ritz Kids event.

We also had another gift card we needed to spend while we were in town. One that was so special to us we’d actually saved it for several years for the right moment. We headed over to one of our favorite spots in our old neighborhood, Abbot Kinney (see my post about our life in LA to read more about “the coolest street in America”), to one of the most talked about restaurants in LA, Gjelina. To give you an idea of the Gjelina hype, it’s the kind of place that’s written into TV shows as “the” place to go. It’s also a celebrity hotspot. I once saw David Beckham leaving on his motorcycle with a swarm of paparazzi running out into traffic behind him, and there was this whole situation with Victoria Beckham and Gordon Ramsay that I didn’t witness, but was a very talked about thing. It’s also not at all the kind of place we can afford to eat at… hence holding onto the gift card like it was made of the rare truffles they serve there. It felt a little strange to take a toddler to such a place, but Celia totally held her own. She charmed the waitress, ate more of the unusual gourmet foods than I did, and laughed along with us throughout the meal like she, again, recognized how special this was. It was the kind of moment where I felt like all the hipster singletons of LA were looking at us and captioning their instas, “maybe having a kid isn’t as tragic and disgusting as I thought”.

See, that girl behind us is totally insta-ing that.

Also, I have to brag on Celia’s adventurous eating since we’ve been working on a Toddler Taste Training Plan (that I will be blogging a lot about soon!) based on the book French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billion, which has transformed the way we eat and handle meal times in our house. And I felt like this little experience at Gjelina was the ultimate test and success in what new foods Celia is willing to try!
Here’s what she ate there (it’s small plates/tapas style):
Grilled bok choy, bottarga, lemon.
Grilled king oyster mushroom, tarragon butter, lemon (I couldn’t cut it up fast enough for her!).
Ricotta gnocchi, shallot, black morel, Porcini mushroom.
Crispy duck confit, roasted cherry, chicory, hazelnut.
Crispy baby Mackerel, mustard aioli, grilled lemon (see pics below).

I couldn’t get over the eyes on these so I had a hard time choking down even one. But Celia loved them and kept trying to feed them to me. Based on how often I push her to try new foods, I felt I had no choice but to comply and practically swallow the bites whole that she offered me.

Staying five minutes away from our old apartment, and having such wonderful friends still living at that apartment, made it the perfect time to invite all our LA friends to a BBQ at our old place, just like old times! Special thanks to the Roxann residents for letting us do this… especially to Ari and Jonas who did most of the work for it. It was, once again, a chance to forget our troubles and enjoy the fact that our first stop was in a place that held some semblance of home when we so desperately needed it.

It was SO nice to see familiar faces and spend time with loved ones! The party was perfect. It just felt right and we were so thankful for it!

We also took the opportunity to spend some time at “our” beach while staying so close to it. Celia was too little to ever remember living on the beach, so I want to take her there as often as possible to keep it in her little surfer girl heart.

Thankfully, our friends know about our desire to hold onto Venice from afar, so they gave us one last going away present. Ari and Jonas made a video of our final days of living on Venice Beach. It was BEEEEAUTIFUL! It included snippets from our lives, clips of friends, ambiance scenes that tell the story of what Venice is like, and plenty of other material that’s guaranteed to bring tears to our eyes every single time we watch it from now until forever. Thank you guys, it’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

On another drive down to LA from Orange County, I met up with my best friend who had been out of town while we’d been in it. Celia, Rachel, and I had a nice lunch at Sacks on the Beach (impressive quality of food by the way!) and a walk around Redondo Beach, before heading over to a sweet little indoor play area, The Coop South Bay, followed by an Italian coffee shop stop. As short as our time together was, it was still really perfect. Even having Celia with us while we caught up was great because she’s always had a special relationship with her “Tia Rachel”, who lived upstairs from us when she was born. And you could tell by watching them together, that they still do! (Though we did miss seeing you, Matt-Tio!)

Facing her fears in the ball pit at The Coop.

THE GOOD AND BAD COLLIDE:
So while things did get pretty bad at some points, the fact that we were able to reside in both the dark and the light worlds, made the bad… maybe not quite “bearable”, but at least forgotten for awhile!
It helped to remember that the first couple of weeks in Pinetop were rough as well, due to a terrible stomach flu that hit us all during our move from LA. And if any of you remember my “I Hate Mexico” post from awhile back on a previous blog… you’ll know that we have a history of starting out big trips very poorly. But in both the instances of Pinetop AND Mexico, things did get a lot better after the first week or two! And I think once we just get rest and air conditioning, we’ll be able to handle the rest of our issues with a lot more class and grace than we have been!

I can’t say enough how thankful we are that our first stop was one with so much love, support, and so many fancy gift cards to use! The only problem is all these goodbyes that we’re saying all over again! And in a couple of weeks we’ll be headed to see our good friends, The Schmidts in the Bay area, and I know we’ll have to cry all over again after that goodbye too! Surprisingly though, it is kind of nice to feel deeply about something so important. Crying over goodbyes is a much richer experience than crying over my usual things, like slow wifi.

There was one moment when I had a chance to just sit on our “porch” and do nothing but enjoy the beauty of our campsite in the cool morning air. Celia and I were having breakfast in our little camping chairs and listening to the The Okee Dokee Brothers, who are our family’s favorite kid’s band (because they don’t sound like kid music), and who also happen to have albums all about excursions around the country. So they’re kind of our theme music for this trip. I was listening to a song called “Through the Woods” where he’s inviting someone he loves to go “wandering” with him. And I just sat in my campsite crying and remembering how special this whole thing is and how it’s all about my little family being together… which hadn’t happened much in recent times as the stress had not brought out the best in how Scottie and I related to one another. It reminded me to take a step back to re-focus and hopefully find more of the beauty in the wandering, like the song is talking about. So a special thanks to The Okee Dokee Brothers for keeping our trip (and our marriage!) afloat in that moment. Take a second to listen to the song if you can, it’s pretty wonderful and will help set the tone of this whole trip for you as you follow along with us!

“Through the Woods” by The Okee Dokee Brothers
I’m wondering if you’d go wandering with me
Through the wilderness and woods
To where the winds are blowin’ free
Through the darkness of the night
Headin’ toward the morning light
I wonder if you’d wander with me
I’ll spread the word
And you beat the drum
We’ll round up the troops
And get the gang to come
And we’ll leave the streets
And these neighborhoods
Head over the river
And through the woods
You’re wondering if I go wandering with you
What kind of trouble we’ll get ourselves into
Would it be wrong to tag along
With a band of vagabonds
You wonder if I’d wander with you
I’m wondering if you’d come wandering my way
If you ever get lost
Or the trail leads you astray
The music of the pack
Can always bring you back
I wonder can we wander away