Do Epic Shit

How do you respond when your husband tells you he wants to be a street artist?

My response included the following:

1. Don’t get arrested.

2. Don’t destroy someone’s property or cause a lot of work for anyone.

3. Say something good.

I know number two could be difficult to adhere to, but I think it’s possible. He was fine with that since he doesn’t really believe in most of the common street art messages anyways like “people shouldn’t be allowed to own property, so I will destroy it” or “consumerism must die so I will destroy an advertisement that cost someone thousands or even millions”.

Messages like those are all I ever saw in street art, even as my husband and I started having long discussions about the values, meaning, and purpose behind it. And then came that one fateful day when I saw a piece of street art that resonated with everything in me and completely rocked my world.

DO EPIC SHIT.

That’s what it said. That’s all it said. That’s all it needed to say… and it hit me like a ton of bricks had just been catapulted into my stomach (except that I lived through it of course). It was a stamp. Which means, it’s all over the place. Which means, the message is spreading.

Finally I saw the strong truth behind street art. The kind of rebellious truth that everyone always tells me it stands for, but I never understood until now. Use your talents to spread a message. A message that will benefit everyone who sees it and takes it to heart. Speak truth, speak it loud, confidently, often, and publicly.

DO EPIC SHIT.

The next time I was in an uncomfortable situation that roused my insecurities, this phrase resonated through my head.

DO EPIC SHIT.

I was on my way to a party with a bunch of people I didn’t know, but I wanted to get to know since I’m in a new town and need friends. Is my outfit too French? Will my drink be too girly? Will my jokes make sense? Will they deem me cool enough to be one of them?

DO EPIC SHIT.

Why am I worrying about this? If I can’t even sit in a room with really nice strangers and acquaintances for a few hours, then I will never be able to do anything epic.

DO EPIC SHIT.

Then again, this tiny little non-epic moment is probably actually part of me reaching my epic moment. It’s growth. It’s a step. It’s leaving my comfort zone. It’s all a step in the right direction and I’m taking it.

DO EPIC SHIT.

Don’t worry, I will. And I encourage you to do the same.

(if you liked this mantra and want to learn more about Extraordinary Living join the  Rare Existence Facebook community)!

 

 

Bright Colors Aren’t For Everyone

I’ll never forget the girl who said it to me.

She was one of those super unique people who’s talents are extraordinarily strong and who’s weaknesses rival the strength of the talents. You look at her and say , “whoa, that girl could go places that most of us could never dream of and she’d be so fun to have at every one of my parties, but man… would she be difficult to work with!” Don’t get me wrong, I loved this girl with her strong personality and all. But as she pointed out to me one day, not everyone does.

We were in a class together that was part of our program to get our master’s degrees in counseling. This was the most soul searching and heart exposing class that I’ve ever been a part of. It was a public gut wrenching of sorts that took everything inside of you out and laid it on the bloody table for you (and your classmates) to examine so you could see what was really going on inside of you from a much clearer perspective. So it was during one moment of excessively vulnerable sharing, this particular girl said,

“I’m a bright color and not everyone likes bright colors, but I’m OK with that”.

I was stunned, not only was I amazed at how perfect the analogy of a bright color was for her (she’s the kind of girl who has probably dyed her entire head of hair rainbow colored at some point), but I was astounded that she had come to accept her relationship between herself and the outside world in such a clear way. The thing that struck me the most was that I could tell by the confidence with which she said this that she not only absolutely believed it to be true, but that she was completely comfortable accepting it.

She felt truly free to be herself in a way that I have seen in no other person before that moment or since.

Sure I’ve seen people who are quick to declare that they don’t care what others think of them. But most of these people do it out of an angry heart that’s been hurt by people- sort of a “screw you, I don’t need you and your opinions”- where this girl did it with a spirit of calming peace. Which is the part that I still truly envy to this day.

As I’ve proceeded on my journey of extraordinary living, I still haven’t got used to the strange looks I receive.

Particularly the ones that come when I explain my plans for the future, or sometimes, my lack thereof. I especially can’t get over the straight up disapproving facial expressions directed my way when I express one of my more uncommonly held positions on something. I have definitely learned how to hold back on my real thoughts around most people… a lot. It’s so much easier to only be my true self among people who I know either agree with me or who I feel really “get me”, you know?! Of course this is not only lessening any sort of positive impact that my different sorts of thoughts could have on other people, but it is also extremely destructive to myself. And the same is true for you.

As you begin to pursue a rare existence please remember that it’s OK if you’re a bright color.

You may even be neon, but that doesn’t mean you are inherently flawed because of it – as you may often feel. In fact I believe the exact opposite is true. I believe you there is a specific reason for your neon blinding brightness and that if you choose to hide it you are both destroying your potential for yourself and limiting the impact you could be having on the world. I mean really, there are very few people who adore fluorescent green, but it still continues to stick around so there’s obviously a grand purpose for it’s existence in the color wheel… maybe you should be the one to figure out what it is!

What color are you? Do the people around you know that?

(if you liked this story and want to hear more stories about Extraordinary Living join the  Rare Existence Facebook community)!

 

Trying to partner with you partner

If you haven’t noticed, I say “we” a lot.

This is somewhat out of habit because my husband and I do spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together. But some of it is because it’s pretty much impossible to talk about my life journey as a solo enterprise.  It’s done as a we so it makes sense to talk about it as a we.

It is going to be pretty difficult to choose a lifestyle, any lifestyle whether it’s extraordinary or not, if your life partner is not on board. If you’re the kind of sold out fan who’s waving extraordinary living flags in the air, taping quotes to your refrigerator, and making up sing-songy mantras to get you through your day… but your partner only rolls their eyes and prays this is just a stage… you might have a problem.

I hate to tell you this, but I actually have no idea what you’re supposed to do.

Every person is different, every relationship is different, and every situation is different. I can’t just throw out the magic potion to make this all better. You’re going to have to work through this the same way you work through any other disagreement in your relationship…. wait, I don’t mean using the silent treatment or withholding sex so maybe I should clarify that the right answer here is “COMMUNICATION”.

I believe that everyone has an extraordinary life that is waiting to be lived.

I don’t care how put-together, straight-laced, or practical your spouse is, I fully believe that they still have things in their life they feel pulled to but are afraid to do, everyone does.  And fear has lots of awesome costumes it uses to disguise itself.  Some of it’s favorite masks are logical thinking, self-sacrifice, and financial wisdom, along with many other things that are all just excuses. Don’t get me wrong, I whole heartedly believe in paying attention to all these factors when they are real issues. I’m talking about when these are not as big of a problem as people have chosen to believe they are… these are the times when fear is the real issue.

Fear is a pretty big deal! 

Fear creates passivity (complacency which leads to depression), the need to control things (comfort which leads to lack of freedom), and often times anger (frustration which can lead to relationship problems).  And this messy emotion, that tends to ruin everything, is in all of us.  So first of all I’m saying that if your partner is hesitant, give them a break!  Your fear may manifest itself in different ways than theirs does, but you still have some form of detrimental fear that is just as real and just as scary as theirs!

You never know, maybe the reason you feel called to live an extraordinary life is because you’re also meant to help your partner find theirs!

…no matter how resistant they may be at first!

From the moment you begin these conversations with your partner, just remember that both of you do have fear of some sort and that puts you on the same team from the beginning.  This is not a “you against them” battle. Just because your partner is afraid, doesn’t mean they don’t want an extraordinary life deep down, they probably just need help getting there.  You can be there to help them recognize their fears, break down their true obstacles, and find the freedom they crave to do what they’re meant to be doing with their life! What an amazing thing to be able to work through together and help one another with! Your job as partners is to help one another grow… this is just another piece to that.

Stay humble and open.

Remember that neither you or I (yes, I can admit it) have all the right answers. This is where humbleness kicks in (and I’m feeling the pain of that kick already). Just because your partner has an extraordinary life in mind, doesn’t mean it’s the same one you are thinking of. This is going to be one of many issues you’ll need to work through together. Start by each doing your own dreaming and then coming together to find the common points. Just keep in mind that your way may not be the right way. Your destiny does involve the person you chose to seek out your destiny with. So whether your decision to partner with them changed the course you would otherwise be on or not, you are now on this course so your job is to find a way to make it work for both of you.

When you start discussing these major life changes with your partner, it’s imperative that you really, truly listen to them, not just to get that part out of the way, but to really try to hear and understand where they’re coming from. So put down your sword, relax your defenses, and just sit down for a minute. This is more of a Mr. Miyagi kind of moment… a time that involves calm wisdom and listening which will lead to enlightenment over violence.

Stay patient and compassionate.

How well you’re able to listen to, value, and truly weigh and  consider your partner’s differing opinions says a lot about the kind of person you are. And the level of patience you’re able to have with your partner’s speed of growth and with the speed of your extraordinary living progress says a lot about how successful you will be in this endeavor together. If you’re mustering up all the compassionate, patient, loving, respectful, and humble bones in your body (and then going after the muscles, sinews, etc, etc) then I think you guys will be able to figure this one out.

So this is where you need to start… step by step with many slow, long conversations.  This involves much, MUCH listening from both sides.  You both need to feel the freedom to express your fears, your needs, and your desires.  Once you both feel heard and respected then you can start to see things from each other’s point of view and it’s only at this point that you can expect to move forward as a collective unit in whatever direction you are truly meant to go.

Hopefully one day, you’ll look back and smile fondly at these conversations that once occurred a whole other lifestyle ago.

 

Trying to partner with you partner

If you haven’t noticed, I say “we” a lot.

This is somewhat out of habit because my husband and I do spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week together. But some of it is because it’s pretty much impossible to talk about my life journey as a solo enterprise.  It’s done as a we so it makes sense to talk about it as a we.

It is going to be pretty difficult to choose a lifestyle, any lifestyle whether it’s extraordinary or not, if your life partner is not on board. If you’re the kind of sold out fan who’s waving extraordinary living flags in the air, taping quotes to your refrigerator, and making up sing-songy mantras to get you through your day… but your partner only rolls their eyes and prays this is just a stage… you might have a problem.

I hate to tell you this, but I actually have no idea what you’re supposed to do.

Every person is different, every relationship is different, and every situation is different. I can’t just throw out the magic potion to make this all better. You’re going to have to work through this the same way you work through any other disagreement in your relationship…. wait, I don’t mean using the silent treatment or withholding sex so maybe I should clarify that the right answer here is “COMMUNICATION”.

I believe that everyone has an extraordinary life that is waiting to be lived.

I don’t care how put-together, straight-laced, or practical your spouse is, I fully believe that they still have things in their life they feel pulled to but are afraid to do, everyone does.  And fear has lots of awesome costumes it uses to disguise itself.  Some of it’s favorite masks are logical thinking, self-sacrifice, and financial wisdom, along with many other things that are all just excuses. Don’t get me wrong, I whole heartedly believe in paying attention to all these factors when they are real issues. I’m talking about when these are not as big of a problem as people have chosen to believe they are… these are the times when fear is the real issue.

Fear is a pretty big deal! 

Fear creates passivity (complacency which leads to depression), the need to control things (comfort which leads to lack of freedom), and often times anger (frustration which can lead to relationship problems).  And this messy emotion, that tends to ruin everything, is in all of us.  So first of all I’m saying that if your partner is hesitant, give them a break!  Your fear may manifest itself in different ways than theirs does, but you still have some form of detrimental fear that is just as real and just as scary as theirs!

You never know, maybe the reason you feel called to live an extraordinary life is because you’re also meant to help your partner find theirs!

…no matter how resistant they may be at first!

From the moment you begin these conversations with your partner, just remember that both of you do have fear of some sort and that puts you on the same team from the beginning.  This is not a “you against them” battle. Just because your partner is afraid, doesn’t mean they don’t want an extraordinary life deep down, they probably just need help getting there.  You can be there to help them recognize their fears, break down their true obstacles, and find the freedom they crave to do what they’re meant to be doing with their life! What an amazing thing to be able to work through together and help one another with! Your job as partners is to help one another grow… this is just another piece to that.

Stay humble and open.

Remember that neither you or I (yes, I can admit it) have all the right answers. This is where humbleness kicks in (and I’m feeling the pain of that kick already). Just because your partner has an extraordinary life in mind, doesn’t mean it’s the same one you are thinking of. This is going to be one of many issues you’ll need to work through together. Start by each doing your own dreaming and then coming together to find the common points. Just keep in mind that your way may not be the right way. Your destiny does involve the person you chose to seek out your destiny with. So whether your decision to partner with them changed the course you would otherwise be on or not, you are now on this course so your job is to find a way to make it work for both of you.

When you start discussing these major life changes with your partner, it’s imperative that you really, truly listen to them, not just to get that part out of the way, but to really try to hear and understand where they’re coming from. So put down your sword, relax your defenses, and just sit down for a minute. This is more of a Mr. Miyagi kind of moment… a time that involves calm wisdom and listening which will lead to enlightenment over violence.

Stay patient and compassionate.

How well you’re able to listen to, value, and truly weigh and  consider your partner’s differing opinions says a lot about the kind of person you are. And the level of patience you’re able to have with your partner’s speed of growth and with the speed of your extraordinary living progress says a lot about how successful you will be in this endeavor together. If you’re mustering up all the compassionate, patient, loving, respectful, and humble bones in your body (and then going after the muscles, sinews, etc, etc) then I think you guys will be able to figure this one out.

So this is where you need to start… step by step with many slow, long conversations.  This involves much, MUCH listening from both sides.  You both need to feel the freedom to express your fears, your needs, and your desires.  Once you both feel heard and respected then you can start to see things from each other’s point of view and it’s only at this point that you can expect to move forward as a collective unit in whatever direction you are truly meant to go.

Hopefully one day, you’ll look back and smile fondly at these conversations that once occurred a whole other lifestyle ago.

 

Post #4: John Mayer is a Liar and Peter Pan is a Hero

No one wants to be “that guy”.

The guy you rolled your eyes at in your early 20’s while spewing explosive promises about how you would NEVER let yourself become like that.  You were convinced you were different, that you saw the truth and that would keep you from ever allowing a house, a job, a budget, a boss, the laundry, a schedule, or anything else you considered to be completely devoid of heart to suck all the passion out of your life.

So stop and take a look now… are you as different from that as you thought you’d be?

I’ll think I’m in pretty good shape and holding up well to my youthful ideals until I one day find myself clutching my steering wheel until my knuckles are white while yelling back at my radio whenever John Mayer tries to give me hope… “SCREW YOU JOHN MAYER!! There is, there is, there IS too such a thing as the real world!  I’m TRYING to rise above and it’s just not possible!  I hope one of your non-real world celebrity girlfriends pops a fake boob and you get silicone in your eye!!!”

This moment is always a red flag.  

But you know you’re in very real trouble when you proceed to spend the rest of the day crying on the couch, clutching your childhood Teddy Bear, Fuzzy, while trying to think happy thoughts in hopes that you’re feet will slowly begin to lift on the ground and you will fly away to Never Never Land to join Tink and the Lost Boys.  If you start chasing your shadow around the living room trying to catch it, call the hospital.

Time to start asking the important questions (actually it’s way past time at that point because I hear it’s hard to journal while wearing a straight jacket).

Like I said, no one wants to be “that guy”. The” old, fat, grandpa man” that Robin Williams played in Hook who actually friggin FORGOT he was Peter Pan!! That guy who has lost all his identity to the “real world”, who has nothing of REAL value left inside himself that he is able to extend to others. When you are sucked dry of all the emotions that make you a “real boy” rather than just a wooden puppet (stress doesn’t count by the way… and yes, I switched stories on you for a second there), who are you helping?  You may feel like you’re sacrificing, but what are you sacrificing and who are you doing it for are two very important questions to ask yourself on a regular basis so that you don’t wake up one day and realize that you began sacrificing for someone and after awhile it either turned into merely a mindless habit that is no longer necessary or even worse, something that is actually damaging the person you started out trying to help (and they adopt captain Hook as their father).  The point is there is only so much you can sacrifice of yourself before you start to sacrifice the good that you are actually intending to do.

Just please, please don’t settle for something that will suck you dry and spit you out dead, before you even ask if there’s another way.  Don’t permanently sacrifice everything that makes you who you are… everything that you were made to be and all the ways you were made to live… all in the name of sacrificing for others.  If you yourself are drowning, how can you teach your kid to swim so he’ll make it to the shore?

You are not much good to anyone if you are dying on the inside.  

Please, wake yourself up and look at the world around you.  Opportunities, adventures, and chances for you to benefit the world in ways that only you can, are ALL passing you by as you wallow in self-pity or pretend like you don’t notice that there’s an entire world going on outside of your normal day to day habits that consume and overwhelm you all by themselves.

Wake up.  Do something.  Don’t settle in for some sort of penance.  Don’t play the martyr.  I know you have a family, you have things or people to sacrifice for.  But what are your sacrifices getting them?  What do they really need?  These are the questions you need to be asking.

I’m guessing what your family needs most is a passionate person who can extend to them love, energy, and life lessons about the world…

… while most of the other adults around you are spending their time either in a numb haze or a stress induced stupor.  Be discontent with mediocre, with a hum drum life, with a robot existence…. ask questions, challenge norms, take risks… do SOMETHING!

Be discontent for the sake of the people you love.

Join us all in this quest for The Rare Existence… you need this because they need you.