The first choice between the ordinary and the extraordinary (i.e. between freedom and security) came for us before we were even engaged. I have already mentioned how one of my greatest fears was to end up with a passive man.Â It seems to me that passivity in men rears it’s ugly head the most when they are exhausted; and nothing exhausts an American man more than a tiresome job.Â If a man’s using all his energy to maintain a career, he has very little left for his family, or anything else in the rest of his life.Â The career IS his life…. whether he likes it or not.
When I met Scottie, he was working about 75- 80 hours a week doing very difficult, physical labor.Â When your boyfriend falls asleep in the middle of 1 out of every 3 dates… you have to wonder how awake he’d be throughout a marriage.Â I knew I wanted a husband who would try to meet my emotional and intellectual needs as much as he tried to meet my financial needs.Â If one of those areas is unbalanced, you can’t expect the others to thrive.Â So I agreed to marry Scottie, provided that he quit his job because I was getting married so I could have a HUSBAND, not a nice house.Â Scottie was happy to finally have something push him to quit since he didn’t like the monotony he saw in his future any more than I did, so he did it and we found ourselves a few months out from our wedding hoping that we’d be able to figure out how to make the free coffee I got from my part time job at Starbucks, in the cardboard box house we were going to have to live in.
Well guess what, we survived being poor.Â I know, money is a huge cause of conflict between couples, but I really do think it’s a different story when make the CHOICE to be poor.Â Â We had our stress from it, and we still believe in being wise with money so we’re definitely not preaching recklessness as the moral to this story.Â The point is that we chose freedom and relationships over money and we continued to make that choice time and time again over the next few years as we struggled to make ends meet… but had lots of time to have fun together in the process.Â Riding your bikes through the sprinklers at midnight is WAY better than a date at the fanciest restaurant that has to be over by 7pm so you can go to bed early and get up for the job you hate the next day.Â We’d discovered the beauty of choosing freedom over security (which is what living an extraordinary life means for us)… and we were never going back.
So we had survived our first choice between ordinary and extraordinary… and in a move that has been repeated many times since, we chose extraordinary.
(Thanks to Terence Young for drawing this as a visual depiction for this post. My favorite part is actually what he said about why he drew this. He said, “The thing that entered my head as I read your post is that you’ve found a relationship that sets you two apart from the rest of the world, in some way youâ€™re on your own little planet that youâ€™ve created.” So sweet isn’t it?!Â I loved this picture even more after reading that!)
Unfortunately you don’t get to ride off one good decision for the rest of your life… you have to make new decisions every day.Â We still battle the pull of comfort and security on a regular basis (just so you know we live in a small apartment in a low income neighborhood… and almost everyday I think about how much I want a house).Â We still battle all our fears (the first few days in Mexico we hid in our safe condo and didn’t meet anyone or experience much of anything), and we still cringe when we know we’re about to take a risk no matter how small it is.
The bottom line is that we’re still weak, cowardly, flawed human beings who are seeking to be extraordinary.