Finding Your Significance in the World

As a follow up to my post last week about finding value through comparison, here’s a question…

 

If all your talents and gifts were put on mute, and everything that previously made you feel successful or worthy of praise was put on hold, what would make you feel valuable?

 

Think about it for awhile and then go enjoy some Christmas cookies before Santa jacks them all. Merry Christmas.

The Soul Sucking Comparison Game

I’ve never been a showy person, at least not in the monetary sense.

Ask all the guys who showed up in their fancy new Pontiac Firebirds (hey, I thought that was cool back then!), to take me on a shopping spree date, and end the night with a spontaneous trip to Disneyland. That was true luxury for me…. and I fled from it as fast as I could each time it was presented. The showy life just wasn’t for me.
No, instead I picked the guy who told his future in-laws that sometimes he considered how nice it might be to be homeless by choice. This is the same guy who thinks the solution to a broken pair of flip flops can be found not in a store with new flip flops, but in his toolbox with a few nails and a hammer. Yep, that’s my husband. And that’s sort of the reason I chose him (although I WOULD prefer to furnish our apartment via IKEA rather than our neighbors’ dumpsters, but I have to pick my battles).
So I’ve always prided myself on not being the keep up with the Joneses sort of person. Because of course, I was better than people who did that! And there it is, the real truth. That even if I didn’t use having money as my measure of comparison, I was still playing the comparison game. I was still priding myself on how much better I was than others, while constantly trying to find flaws with people who I thought were better than me.

And recently I’ve had a slow awakening about just how strong this whole comparison thing is for me.

In fact, it may be just about everything to me. Every way I judge the value of myself, of others, of accomplishments, of my body, of what defines success, and even of what my extraordinary life is. I’ve been slowly becoming aware of how many times I think about how something will affect my “ranking” both before and after I do something.

Is it time to re- decorate my living room already? Well what would so and so think of the style I choose? Not good enough, I better pick something better then.

We just got the coolest clients for a photo shoot, I can’t wait until so and so sees it.

That was an exhausting party but I still have a little energy left so I might as well start cleaning up. I hope so and so sees it so they think I’m so thoughtful and caring.

I feel like wearing this shirt today but I’m going to wear this other one because I think it will make the people I’m going to see today think more of me.

Do you think I’m crazy yet?

You will when I tell you that these were just a few of the many examples of thoughts I’ve had in the last 24 hours!!!! And most of them happened in the last 12! I KNOW I’m crazy, because I’ve driven myself crazy over years of thinking this way.
Even putting up this post has got me worried about how people will view me. I feel like a childish idiot that I’ve let so much of my life be driven by the game of comparison, so of course I don’t want to show that I’m an idiot or else all my hard work to show everyone how much better I am than them will be wasted!
Yes, this is the kind of crazy, circular, and backwards thinking that is my daily life.

I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of wasting so much energy on this. I’m tired of worrying instead of really living. I’m tired of me being the one most guilty of stifling myself. And I’m also just tired because I’m tired! Keeping up with every single person in the world is exhausting!

But the problem is that I don’t know how to LIVE without comparing!

I don’t know how to determine how I feel about people, actions, or things without using my normal measuring stick of “good enough” or ‘better than”. So the thought of having to give up this life long impulse, is terrifying to me.
I feel like I’m giving up my baseline for measuring life. All the rules I knew are out the window. How will I be able to judge the quality or significance of my work if I don’t know whether or not it will make someone else jealous? How will I know if I am good enough to fit in with those around me? And of course there’s the most deeply rooted question that is the reason I struggle with this in the first place… how will I know if I’m valuable?
Of course, to know you’re important/valuable/significant as a person, you gave to know that you’re bringing the world gifts of yourself that are better than what others are bringing right? You know because the masses say so, right?
Wrong. I know it’s wrong, but I’m still a little confused about what is right!

How do I change something this big?

I’ve only known one way to live and now I’m supposed to just throw it out in one giant trip to the trash, and simply pick up a new way of living and a new way of thinking?! I want it to go away, to be able to live a life based on truth, intrinsic value, and all those other good words you hear spiritual gurus throwing around like magical fairy dust, but HOW do I get there is the question? How do I just stop thinking the way I’ve always thought?
I’ll have to let you know if I ever find the answer, because I am definitely going to seek it out.

The truth, is that living for others is the opposite of extraordinary.

The ordinary thing to do is to play the comparison game. I know that if I am only living the life that looks the best when compared to others, then I’m most likely not living the life I’m meant to live. If I’m not being real or honest with who I am and what I deem to be valuable, then how could I expect to be honest about what I’m meant to do with my life? I can’t. I won’t know what I’m destined for as long as I don’t know who I’m really destined to be. So it’s time for me to stop comparing, worrying, and changing and just start living as me and who I’m meant to be.

Wish me luck.

 

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Your Ideal Life (a project)

I run my life in lists.

You could also say that another way, lists run my life. Regardless of how you look at it, I enjoy lists and lists enjoy me… and that works for both of us. So when I think about possible options for things to do in and with my life, I list them out.

 

Things I MIGHT want to do with my life (example list):
Be a waitress
Sea World Orca Whale trainer (my husband doesn’t know it, but this is the REAL reason I wanted to move to CA)
√ Be a mom
Amy Grant Ariel Mermaid (see previous post about this)
Dog groomer
√  Finish my master’s degree
√  Learn Spanish
√   Write a book

However there is one thing that tends to be lacking in my most of my lists, besides lists about “my potential pet unicorn names” and “things that me and my pet unicorn would do together”. Those missing elements are creativity and emotion. I know “Amy Grant Ariel Mermaid” may seem creative, but really that was just common sense to me as a child, in reality my imagination can feel limited by lists sometimes. After all, if I expand on one too much, that one line might turn into two lines and mess up my list formatting or even force me to create a new page and then what would I do?! (if you don’t relate to these thoughts then don’t worry, it just means you’re not a nerd).

So how did I solve this creative-less list issue? And how did I open up my imagination to all the possibilities that are up for the taking in my future? I wrote a story about it.

 

Yes, I actually wrote a story called “My Ideal Life”.

Of course the crazy organizer in me made sure I categorized the different chapters in the story by 5 year marks, but it still was a great exercise in allowing my right brain to take over the dreaming responsibility so that I really could reach for the stars without my left brain rolling it’s eyes in annoyance as it tried to squeeze all of the thought tangents into one line.

I put as much and as little detail into it as I wanted in different parts. I changed some of the beginning parts to be in 2 or 3 year segments instead of 5 (gasp from my left brain!), and I included some of my husband’s dreams to be able to see how our two dream lives intersect and compliment.

 

Writing my ideal life in story form helped me in ways I didn’t expect at all.

For one, I was surprised at how young it made me feel! I ended up taking my story one 5 year period at a time, all the way into my 70′s, and up until the ? mark I left to indicate my death (I wasn’t planning on going that far, I just got into it!)! I was amazed at how many 5 year periods I could still have left and at how much I might realistically be able to do during the time I still have left! I felt extremely hopeful about how much living I still have to do!

It also helped me see the big picture which is hard to do, especially because my life often feels so fly by the seat of my pants. I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford rent 3 months from now, let alone what I’ll be doing with my days in 10 years! It’s hard to see big picture and remember that the things that seem like such a huge deal now will not actually be going on for that long or be affecting me that strongly in the next stages of my life. So even if I have 5 or 10 years of struggle, I have so many 5 or 10 year periods left that if those bad years are taking me to the good ones, it will be more than worth it!

 

Basically I’m saying that not only should you do this, but you should do it without any rules.

Let your right brain truly take over and see what outlandishly unrealistic dreams you can come up with! Because if you only ever dream realistic dreams, or only ever list them out logically, then perhaps you aren’t really dreaming your dreams at all. Perhaps you’re only writing out possibilities, rather than heart felt longings. Give the right brain control and then if you want, lefty over there can take it later and break it into manageable lists and goals. When both sides are free to do what they’re best at without the hindrance of the other, you may be amazed at how big, and yet how possible, some of your dreams can seem!

 

Do it, write it out.

If you need some help, use this cheat sheet to get going. It’s not as intimidating as it sounds because when you first start out it’s basically just like playing that pre-teen girl game MASH. If an 11 year old can do it, you can!

In 2 years…..
I will live:
I will be doing:
Who will be involved:
What will my days look like:
What will my free time look like:

Those are just some questions to get rolling, but take it wherever you want and make it your own!

In two years I will be writing my successful blog and working on the first draft of my book, in the same apartment I’m in now with my husband and we’ll be….

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The Lies of Success

I just finished reading an entire chapter in a book about how success doesn’t make you happy.
Bummer, right? It was written by a very successful man who found himself in misery at the height of his success. He wasn’t saying success is bad, he was just saying that if you haven’t dealt with issues in your life, they will follow you and success will only magnify them. My favorite line was, “you will be the same person, only you’ll have more of everything, and that includes pain.” (Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis).

True point.

So where do I stand with success really and what do I define success as? After all, the point of this blog is to help you and me succeed at pursuing a rare existence, accomplishing our dreams, being extraordinary, and so on. We definitely all have goals here that we’re trying to succeed in.

One of the big questions to ask yourself is, “WHY am I pursuing the specific goals that I am”?
“What is the root behind this goal that I think will make me happy in the end?” Sometimes our intentions are not as pure, or shall we say, as HEALTHY as we think they are.
I’ve said before that it’s very important that you know yourself well as you embark along this journey and that means that you know not only what things you are good at and dream of doing, but also what your deep rooted flaws are that will continually try to trick you into fulfilling them in wrong ways.

We all have these things… deep seated insecurities left over from years of grade school bully torment that leaves you with the desire to prove to the world how awesome and worthy you really are… a negative parent who is constantly asking you for more so you continually try to give more than perfect….crazy jealousy over that perfect older sibling that leaves you always trying to keep up…friends who are obsessed with all things fun, expensive, and seemingly wonderful that drive you to live the same way. We all have our reasons.

Take a second to ask yourself about yours.

For me, success in extraordinary living means…
…freedom. I’m pursuing time freedom, freedom from enslaving factors (debt, addictions, insecurities,etc), emotional freedom, and many other kinds of freedom, so that I am free to choose how I invest my time, energy, and heart so my life will reflect my true values as closely as possible. My desire to be successful in my quest for freedom is driven by my desire to always be the one who gets to decide what’s best for me and my family throughout different seasons in life, and to be able to choose to use all my resources (time, money, talents, etc) to make that happen.

Yes, there are many moral and noble motives in that, but um, can you say CONTROLLING? Just when I think I’ve beaten the control monster in my life, he shows up in the most unexpected places… the places I thought were pure and secure and free from the uglies. Nope.

Now that we’ve taken the time to identify our inner self’s ulterior motive, we have the choice of whether we’ll face it or not. If we decide to deal with our weaknesses and identity issues now, then we’re free to continue to pursue our definitions of an extraordinary life… and now we can do it with true freedom (ironic since my definition IS freedom!). If we choose not to deal with it, then once we obtain the life we seek, we can only expect misery. I know this is true because I’ve learned in the past that when I feed my control monster, the only thing that it spits back out is bad relationships, anger, frustration, and ultimate sadness… and I’m guessing that your uglies are on the same team as mine with the same rule book, so you’ll probably get the same results.

So our success will only be true success if we deal with our personal issues before achieving it.
Otherwise our success will only make our problems worse,  just like Rob told us. I hate when people say sucky things and then are right.

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What I wanted to be when I grew up.

What I wanted to be when I grew up…

Age 4: A Mermaid. “Amy Grant-Ariel- Mermaid” to be exact. Yes, you heard that right. My cousin and I had an Amy Grant fan club too – so embarrassing.  I think we only had one fan club meeting and we ate brownies. The rest of the time I mostly just swam with my feet locked together  like a fin and spent my time trying to convince my cousin that I was the REAL Amy Grant- Ariel- Mermaid and she was just my twin. She bought it- sorry Bethany.

Age 6: A better version of April O’Neil. I wanted to hang out with the Ninja Turtles like April, only I’d be better because I could fly. I day dreamed of flying around in the sky in my black skorts and hi-top sneakers, while singing, high above my school playground at recess where all the kids could see and wish they were as cool as me. At that exact moment, my good buddy Michelangelo would kick spin onto the playground and hand out free pizza to everyone before fighting off the bad guys that arrived to get free pizza. I was the coolest kid in the world… in my 6 year old mind.

Age 8: A pet groomer. As you can see, I was growing up and my dreams were a little more realistic. More so than my little brother Paul’s, who’s ultimate career dreams were to be either an elevator operator or a car valet, only he wouldn’t make people pay because he’d just do them to be nice. I was way more practical than that. Until that is, my mom told me that I’d spend my days picking poop off poodles butts and I yelled at her “you ALWAYS crush my dreams!!!” before running to my room crying, where I decided I didn’t really want to do that anyways.

Age 10: Sea World trainer. Free Willy made a pretty big impact on me. Even after I saw the movie “Orca” where killer whales are actually killing, I was still on board. I thought I could change them. This dream never faded, I still want to do it. So all of you “The Cove” lovers out there, just accept it- I’m a bad person.

Age 11-15: A famous singer. I WILL be discovered while singing in my car one day. You’ll see.

Age 16: A social worker for foster kids. Until that is I was sobbing so incredibly hard (and loud) through the entire first half of the movie, The Sixth Sense, that my boyfriend at the time had to drag my out of the theater wailing. Yep, The Sixth Sense, a completely not at all sad movie, during which I couldn’t stop being sad because that poor little boy was scared all the time! I remember collecting my composure outside the theater when my boyfriend said, “um, maybe you shouldn’t be a social worker, you MIGHT not be able to handle it”.

Age 19: Film Soundtrack Producer: This was my answer to the question, “if you could have any job in the world…” This dream still lived on in my heart until I moved to LA and saw how sucky some of the jobs in the film industry really are. Especially if I end up having to spend my days picking out music for the Wiggles or something like that. Call me disillusioned.

Age 20: No idea. I loved when we’d go around my Family and Human Development classes at ASU and ask what everyone wanted to do when they graduated and all you’d get was, “I don’t know”, ” I don’t know”, “I don’t know”. I thought that was probably a bad sign.

Age 23: Still no idea. I was getting my Masters of Arts in Professional Counseling, but I knew I didn’t want to be a typical counselor sitting in an office. Go figure.

Age 25: A photographer. I’d tried my hand at real world jobs and then went, wait this sucks. I want a pretend job like my husband (who was a photographer)!

Age 27: A writer. Thus Rare Existence was born.

Age 29 (now): It’s complicated. What I want to do with my life has less to do with what it is that I do specifically and more to do with how it supports the rest of my life.
Not necessarily money wise (but duh, that’s important), but more values wise. I’ve been investing my time into figuring out what is important to me in the rest of my life so that when I find a job that supports that well, I’ll know it!  I’ve also been investing energy into some personal growth issues that I feel will better open me up to being the person I need to be in order to do the things I need and want to do in life.

After investing my time into working through those sorts of issues, I now know I want a job that I enjoy well enough that will allow me to have the flexibility I need to make whatever decision I deem is best for my family.
Freedom (time, financial, geographical, etc, etc) is key. If my husband and I decide to take a year to sail around the world with our family to teach our kids that way, right on- we want to be able to do it. If the public school system turns into a brainwashing, 1984-esque military camp and homeschooling is the only way around that, right on- we want to have the ability to do that! I know I can’t control everything, but the goal I want to work towards is to do my best to never be in a position where I don’t have the freedom to choose what I know is right for my family. P.S. having “freedom for my family” means my husband has to have freedom as well so becoming a Real Housewife of Orange County is sadly out of the question for me.

So now I’m getting to the point where I’m ready to start investing into the actual logistics of this mystical career that will provide me and my family with the values I’m craving for us.
Right now it looks like photography will always be a part of that, but I feel like there will probably be more to it in the end because I know I have the desire in me to do more than just give people with lasting memories through photos (not that it’s not important, I just want to use my talents in other ways as well). I want to help people learn. I prefer to help them learn through artistic and beautiful means, like how a fantastic movie, book, or song can make you think in ways that causes you to change your life. How that will play out exactly is still unknown. Will I do all those things for money? Not necessarily, maybe I’ll find a job that provides enough through working a little so that I can do the rest of these things just because I enjoy it (taking notes off my brother who now is an elevator operator and car valet for free). I don’t believe a career necessarily has to be what dictates how I spend my time. In fact I prefer that it doesn’t because as soon as something becomes a “have to” for me, I tend to resent it immediately!

Basically there are two options for me, and both include providing a life of freedom for my family.
One, I just find an incredibly flexible job(s) that provides freedom for my family, that I also really love and feel like I’m “meant to do”. Two, I could just find a job(s) that I enjoy somewhat that provides the most amount of money for the least amount of work so that I’m free to spend the rest of my time doing what I need to with my family and whatever else it is that I’m “meant to do”.  Asking for too much? We’ll see. The benefits to this would be so great that I’m willing to try it before giving up on it! By the way, I know that drug dealing sounds like the best solution to this, but that is definitely off the table for me. Stripping? Off the table. Any sort of illegal activity that could result in either stabbings, sex for money, or a warrant for my arrest… off the table. If I have to carry a concealed weapon on me at all times in order to perform my job… so far off the table, I can’t even see the table anymore. Writing is definitely still on the table. Teaching, speaking, life coaching, etc., etc. are all on the table for discussion. It’s just one step at a time and exploring different aspects until I find my fit!  But as long as whatever it is includes a life of freedom for me and my family, then I’m in!

Your turn! What did you want to be when you grew up and what are you looking forward to doing with your life in the future?

 

Is it REALLY the life you are meant to be living? (a project)

Sometimes the life we THINK we are meant to live is not the one that is truly meant for us.
You may never be able to be 100% certain that your definition of extraordinary living is right for you, but you should at least invest the time and energy into being as logical and wise as possible before turning your life upside down for it.

If you have some idea of what extraordinary living might look like for you, it’s time to challenge those ideas before you take major action.
If you are ready to take make significant changes in order to pursue the life you are meant to live, stop and take a second to ask yourself the questions below before you act. So get out your Rare Existence Project Notebook (OK , I know you’re excited about that but you can stop cheering now) because I definitely recommend writing out the answers for thinking clarity and to have the ability to look back on your answers in the future.

Questions:

  1. What is my main goal in life? Does this path take me towards it?
  2. Do I have the skills necessary to succeed at this?
  3. Do I enjoy the things necessary to do this?
  4. What will the most difficult tasks be and can I still accomplish them?
  5. Will this be harmful to those around me? Will NOT doing this be harmful to those around me?
  6. What are the sacrifices I will need to make and can I handle those?
  7. What are the benefits of this path to me and my loved ones?
  8. What is the worst case scenario that can happen and will I come out of that OK?
  9. Do people who have my best interest at heart think this is a good idea?
  10. Does this decision support my beliefs about life, family, morals, religion, etc?
  11. Is my significant other willing to go through this with me?
  12. Do I have at least one person who will help support me through this?

If some of the answers to those questions didn’t come out exactly like you would’ve hoped, don’t get discouraged but also don’t ignore them.
Take the time to process it. The issues that arose from answering those questions may be very important and you need to decide if they are significant enough to cause you to re-think your definition of extraordinary living.

Don’t be afraid to ask the questions. If you find you are headed down the wrong path, it’s definitely best to acknowledge that and turn around sooner rather than later. If you find you are headed down the right path, then the more confident you can be in that, the more effective you’ll be. Either way, challenging your ideas from time to time will only increase the chance that you will be free to head strongly in the right direction and that you will live the life you are TRULY meant to be living.

My Internal Guts are an Ooey Gooey Mess.

I’ve done it. I have an extraordinary life. At least that’s what my stats reflect….

Married 7 years. No children. Living on the beach in Southern CA. Photographer. Writer. Fraternize with Hollywood types (C list celebs count). Owner of a successful business. Work with my husband. Debt free (both our business and personal). Free trips to exotic locations for work… with my husband. Living like the rich despite being less than rich (see previous point). I now walk or ride our bike to more locations than we drive to. My friends are the shit. I’m a regular participant in cultured sort of activities (i.e. Broadway shows, museums, concerts, etc). I’m a regular participant in not-so cultured activities (i.e. pub crawls, turtle races, and street performance volunteering). I take 3 week vacations… back to back sometimes. I wait 6 month to go get my roots touched up, call it ombre, and pull it off only because I’m from Southern California.

I mean I get it, I have a lot and my life is pretty much the bees knees.

So why am I not completely satisfied by my circumstances?
I’ve done the work, made the sacrifices, and taken the risks to put me in a place that is set up perfectly for extraordinary living. I’ve been working on setting up my external circumstances for years, so what’s left to adjust so I can really appreciate these circumstances I’ve worked so hard to bring about? Oh yeah… ME!!!!

It’s time to work on my INTERNAL aspects of extraordinary living.
You can adjust your outward situation all you want, but if you never look inward, then you will feel the exact same about life regardless of if you are living in a multi-million dollar mansion with a butler to bring in your gold encrusted chihuahua, or if you live in a grass hut and wipe your kid’s poo off his butt with your hand that you will later clean only with a dry stick (that’s a real thing- watch the movie “Babies”).

No matter how extraordinary my situation is, if my PERSPECTIVE and HEART aren’t extraordinary, my situation is irrelevant.
It’s been through my internal heart work that I’ve found I’m extremely lacking on the perspective issue. I’ve found that no matter what has changed in my life, my perspective has stayed the same. My perspective on life is so ordinary that it’s keeping me from enjoying the extraordinary!

The following is now an official part of my plan for internal extraordinary living.

  1. Be a student and follower in the art of gratefulness.
  2. Accept the belief that I am in control of my stress level… it is a choice (view my stress as an internal issue, not an external one).
  3. Accept the belief that I am control of my happiness level.. it is a choice (view my happiness as an internal issue, not an external one).
  4. Let myself rest and enjoy the fruits of my labor (this is official doctor advice by the way, due to my low function adrenal problem that I’ve created through my stress).
  5. Continue to look inward to see what other changes need to take place within me so that I can spread that healing and growth outside of me.

I’ve been pushing, pushing, pushing to get further and further ahead in my extraordinary life and I’ve let that suck a lot of the me out of me. So now it’s time for me to heal. To rebuild. To grow. To reflect. To rest. And to change my perspective. So that the beauty of my external extraordinary life can be rivaled only by the beauty of my internal extraordinary life. So that I can truly be free to appreciate the blessings I have surrounding me and truly be able to extend those blessings to others. Let this new season of extraordinary internal growth begin!

 

Sometimes Lauryn Hill just says it better than me

I’m not sure if it’s her raspy voice or her slight east coast accent that makes you know she’s awesome… but there’s just something about Lauryn Hill that makes everything she says sound extra true!

I do know that it’s her vulnerability that makes me love her. If you’ve never seen or heard her MTV Unplugged 2.0 video… GET IT! I’m giving you a little clip here, but it’s not nearly as powerful without the music and the rest of her story backing it up. Basically, she went on national television and broke down, laid it out, preached, and just spoke straight up truth… all while being completely unprepared and almost too emotional to finish her songs. In other words, I L-O-V-E it!

In this particular section I’ve chosen for you to listen to,  Lauryn’s talking about how her life of fame, glamor, and beauty fell apart and she began discovering and owning the real her… not the public image of her… but the legit Lauryn, full of flaws and all (as you will even hear in the clip when she can’t find the lyric sheet she needs).

The reason I’m including it here is because it’s so inspiring to hear from someone who’s “made it” and who has achieved an extraordinary life, who is willing to  be open and share the lessons she learned along the way. Most of it has to do with how once she found who she really is and what she’s meant to do she found freedom.

Preach it sister.

Don’t expect to find the answers in a day

I’ve spent the last 2 years trying to decide what to do with my life.

And that doesn’t mean I just go through my normal day to day activities and hope the idea comes to me. That means I’ve spent hours and hours writing and brainstorming and breaking down ideas. Word associations, lists, rhetorical analysis. I’ve spent the past 2 years doing and I still am just barely touching the very tip of the answers to my questions!

I think it’s important you know this because when you find out that you don’t know what to do with your life it can make you want to throw your hands up in frustration and despair, thinking something’s wring with you, then debate giving up on your extraordinary journey.  But don’t give up! Because in fact….

If you don’t know what to do with your life, YOU ARE NORMAL!

You are like everyone else, even those who are living extraordinary lives! No one knows what they want to do at first! Particularly people who have unique personalities. If you are a unique person that means you’re meant to do something unique and uncommon which means that whatever you’re meant to do is not going to be the first thing that comes to mind when you first start examining the options out there for you. If it’s unusual it’s either going to be hard to come across it or it may even be waiting for you to create it! So just because it isn’t on the tip of your tongue, doesn’t mean you won’t uncover it one day!

Set aside intentional brainstorming time.

Don’t expect a rare magical idea to just float into your head unless you are giving it the time of day to come up with it. I spent the first year of my search having no idea what direction I wanted to go and it wasn’t until I spent a good 3 hours a day for a full 4 days straight (on vacation) sitting there and actually writing about various ideas in my journal that I even began to have an inkling of a possible idea. It was sitting there in a coffee shop in Mexico that I came up with the idea for this blog. An idea that never would’ve come to me if I wasn’t actively pursuing it and investing the necessary time and energy into finding it.

If you need help getting going, take the time to stop and do some of the exercises I’ve given you. Those will help kick start you into doing the kind of work that is essential for your extraordinary journey!

If you keep putting in the intentional work and have some patience, the answers will come to you and I think you’ll find out that they were SO worth the wait!

 

Two giant questions to ask yourself

Now we’re going to talk about something that is going to be frowned upon no matter which side of the fence I stand on. So I’m going to attempt to stay in the middle. No, seriously, I promise that is really where I stand on it!

The question of debate here is: are some dreams too big for some people?

If you’ve ever watched the first few episodes of an American Idol season then I expect to hear a resounding “YES” coming from your direction. The other side of this argument is usually something about how Michael Jordan didn’t make his freshman basketball team but he still decided not to quit… or how everyone told grant hill he was too short for the NBA (sorry but for some reason my relationship with sports began and ended with basketball in the 90’s). You could even mention what’s his name who grew in YouTube fame because of his awful American Idol performance. You could point out how no one would know his name if he hadn’t pursued his dream despite his obvious lack of talent (if only I could remember his name now).

I could go on and on with analogies from both sides of the argument, but I think you get it. My point is that while I will encourage you to climb every mountain and swim every stream to reach your dreams, I will also encourage you to choose those dreams wisely. There is such thing as pursuing a dream you are not meant to have, and I think it is much better to decide if you are doing that before you are already waist deep into it.

These are two of the hardest questions you will ever face in your pursuit of an extraordinary life.
1. Is this the extraordinary life I should begin pursuing?
2. Is it time to give up this particular path of extraordinary living and find a new one?

Of course, the tricky part is that only you can make those decisions and only you will find the real answers. But whatever stage you are at on you journey, I think it is very important to stop and ask yourself these two key questions… no matter how difficult it may be to hear the answer.

 

What do you think? Are some dreams too big for some people? Answer by commenting here or on Rare Existence’s Facebook page!